When I younger, I had an experience that impacted my life greatly. It probably has a lot to do with some of the things that I do today. I wish that it never happened, but there is really nothing that I can do about it.
I was about two years old, my mom had been suffering from breast cancer for a while, and it had finally come to the end. She died at a very young age of thirty-five. I don't really remember very much about it, but it amazes me how I can remember certain things and not others. I can see pictures in my mind of going to these meetings with my parents, brother, and sister. The person who held these meetings was named Amazing Grace, she was supposed to be a miracle worker. There was one time that I remember, when we were at one of these meetings. My mother got called up on the stage to be healed by Amazing Grace. She sat in a chair and this sudden beam of light came over her head. Grace waved her hand around a couple of times and said some things that I don't understand, but then she said to my mother that she was healed.
From then on my mom stopped taking her medicine because she was a great believer. I can't remember anything else happening, until she died. I don't really have a memory of her, but I do get a very vivid picture in my mind sometimes of her lying in her coffin. This may seem like a very weird way to remember, but it is the only one that I have.
I have been told about what a great person she was and how much she was liked by other people. I thought that when my family talked about these things it might have refreshed my memory, however, I had no such luck. This one event has changed my life tremendously, and I know it is the same for the rest of my family. She will never be forgotten, but always loved and thought of in fond memories.
Some people have told me that it is almost better off that I didn't know her that well because it hurts less, but most of the time I think the opposite. She seemed like such a great person and my father always says that she would have done anything for the children. I want to know what that is like, I want to know what it is like to have a real mother. I want to be able to share a relationship with her, but instead I have to deal with the little memories and thoughts.
To this day, each time that I tell someone that my mom died they can't imagine what it would be like, but I am almost the opposite way in that I can't really imagine having a real mother with me all of the time. It is not very hard for me to talk about this subject and I still cannot figure out why that is.
I feel that if this main event in my life did not happen, my life would be completely different today. I would not even be here telling you about this. I think that this was so detrimental that I think about it constantly. Although, it seems to come a little easier for me to tell people about it and not get too upset than some would expect. This is the way that I have to learn to deal with life from here on in.
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